So I sharted in front of company on Sunday

[NES]

...while standing there talking to my buddy while my wife and a couple friends were shooting the shit on the couch. A couple of drops hit the back of my knee but lucky for me despite the fact that I was wearing surf shorts and no boxers nothing splattered on the floor(which would have been a dead give away). Somehow I was able to make it into the bathroom and sop up most of the clearish brown tub-girl gravy that hat exploded inside my pants and then somehow was able to pass by all the girls without them noticing the wet spot or the dog shit smell drifting from my nether regions on my way to change my shorts. My wife thinks I made it up, but wait till she goes to do the laundry. Besides who would make up shitting theirselves to begin with?

 

[greenshoes]

...while standing there talking to my buddy while my wife and a couple friends were shooting the shit on the couch. A couple of drops hit the back of my knee but lucky for me despite the fact that I was wearing surf shorts and no boxers nothing splattered on the floor(which would have been a dead give away). Somehow I was able to make it into the bathroom and sop up most of the clearish brown tub-girl gravy that hat exploded inside my pants and then somehow was able to pass by all the girls without them noticing the wet spot and shit smell on my way to change my shorts. My wife thinks I made it up, but wait till she goes to do the laundry. Besides who would make up shitting theirselves to begin with?

........you are no longer allowed at my house by the way!!!hno:hno:

 

[NES]

Why? Atleast I didnt shart in your pool motherufcker.

 

[NES]

I should have named this thread "while you were working, I was sharting".

 

[WorldNumberOne]

time for adult diapers there big boy...

 

[Jack Herer]

In 1993 a study published in the Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine found that fourteen out of a sample of forty men receiving anal intercourse experienced episodes of frequent anal incontinence for its inclusion of flatulence in its definition of incontinence.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anal_intercourse

 

[steaktartar]

You are not a "big kid" if you still shit your pants
by BONGO Tom


Have you seen that commercial for Pamper's Pull-Ups where the kid runs around, sits on the John, and then gets a hug from his mommy? In the background, the music plays, "MOMMY WOW! / I'm a big kid now!" No, you fucking aren't, you little pant-shitting son of an inbred bitch!!!

Pamper's Pull-Ups are one of the most insidious products ever made. They encourage kids to keep on dropping dookie in their drawers. Their message is that if you still occasionally shit your pants, it's play because your mommy will still love you. Any parent that loves their kid while he wears a pair of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle tighty whiteys filled to the brim with dung deserves to have their ovaries removed with a salad fork.

Parents need to stop coddling their fat little dipshit kids. Don't encourage your kid to still crap his pants! I know the purpose of the product is to get kids to use the toilet, but if they are using the can, then why the hell do they still need the goddamn diapers? Whatever happened to actual potty training? Remember when potty training was over when you shat your pants for the LAST time? (Note: Hawk is still in the process of potty training). Now, according to Pamper's, you're a 'big kid' as long as you piss yourself AT A LOWER RATE than you did two months ago.

You know when you're a big boy, you little nose-picking ass monkey? When you can stop filling your shorts with mud pies. Here's MY product: BONGO Tom's Electric Training Pants. You put the electric training pants on your kid when you've finally had enough of the shit shit stains on the carpet. Hook the diodes up to any common household plug and watch what real potty training looks like. Every time the diode comes into contact with feces, urine, juice, sweat, or any other form of moisture, it gives your little bastard a 30-volt shock. When the kid stops basting his britches (And believe me, he will), he can finally be called a 'big boy.'

Pamper's has two options: discontinue the production of this evil product or change their advertising campaign. They don't seem to realize that 'big kids' don't crap themselves. So, here's my suggestion for a new song for the commercials:


"I'm not really a big kid.
Look what I still do!
I shit my pants, but not as often as I used to.
Mommy, please stop beating me!
I'll be good.
Don't get out the paddle!
Oops...
I think I shat myself again."



Catchy, right? You're fucking right it's catchy, you blood-soaked cuntrag!

 

[Devilwoman]

lol